E.mo.tion.al

I love movies. I can watch them and get so into them that I believe that the movie is happening and I am in another world. I forget about my stupid worries and negative thoughts and I am taken somewhere else, whether it is sailing with pirates or fighting bad guys, etc.

I was very upset tonight because I was looking at pictures and I realized how skinny I used to be. And that I enjoy beer and late night food and can't seem to control myself when it comes to these two. I tell myself that I want to be a skinny bride more than anything, but obviously not enough because I only work out 2...maybe 3 times a week and still eat crap food. I didn't eat fried food for about 4 days and then broke down and stuffed my face with fried food.

And I picked up TJ from work to go to this guy Chris's house because he invited us to a party. As we got out of the car, we were saying Hi and his friends were like "TJ! I am so glad you're here!" and they act like I am not there. I almost started crying. I felt so invisible. I have waited on these guys before at the bar and we joke and stuff, but when they see me and TJ, they act like TJ is the only one there. Now, wouldn't you think that if you were friends with TJ, you would want to get to know his fiance? Maybe that is just crazy thinking.

So, I didn't even go in the house, but called my best friend Ashley, even though I didn't want to bother her. I didn't want her to think that I only call her when I am upset! But boy, was I upset! I can sum it up, but basically I feel that TJ and Kat are the ones that make all the friends and that I just mooch off of them. I am not cool and outgoing, but a socially awkward and invisible person. I am not good enough to make my own friends.

Ashley, you made me feel so much better. You had so much to say and you made me laugh. You made me feel like an important person and a worthwhile friend. You made me feel loved. I know I have my ups and downs and I can be an emotional ass, but thank you for putting up with me. I am so lucky to have such good friends. And I don't need any other friends because good friends are far and few between. And you guys are enough to fill my days and nights with happiness.

Ashley, sometimes I take your friendship for granted. I wake up and my first thought isn't "I am so lucky to have good friends in my life." and that's what my first thought should be. I love you so much and I appreciate the time and effort you have put into our friendship. I love the fact that you research jobs and wedding things for me and you send me emails and make me collages based on what you think I like. I know we have had our bad moments, but I think it has only made us stronger, and the fun and the love moments are what has made our friendship all the more worthwhile. I will always be here for you and thank you for always being there for me. MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could turn off the Worry part in my brain

I switched bar shifts so now I am working tonight instead of this morning and I have not yet worked a night bar shift. I feel like I am going to screw up and get in the weeds....='( (Get in the weeds in server terms means get in-over-your-head busy)

I haven't done a blog since Myspace which was a couple years ago, so these blogs that I write will probably only get better with time. I am sure my friends will be interested to know what I write....Maybe..... lol

I am looking forward to seeing Crystal tomorrow because she is so much fun to be around and makes you feel happy and important. It sucks though because I am a double tomorrow of course...but then I am off on Thursday! yay!

Are blogs supposed to be all about one thing or can you change up what you talk about...... I guess I need advice about these thingaroos lol
But my mind is constantly changing gears and even though I usually come back to thinking about the same things, I keep changing what I am thinking about!!

I have actually been waking up at 9 and 10 instead of 12 or 1...I am so proud of myself! And I have found I can be more productive when I wake up earlier....Who'd of thunk it?! lol

I guess I will go be productive now.... bye bye for now!