For some reason, I decided to unblock TJ on Facebook. I figured it's almost been a year since we've broken up, and I'm happy with Pete, so what could be the harm?
I unblocked him and saw his profile picture of him and his gf kissing, and my heart filled with anger and hate.
Why is it, a year after we've broken up, that after looking at a picture of him, the old feelings of animosity and insecurity come back?
I am so happy with Pete. He is always good to me and we have so much fun together. Maybe a year isn't long enough. Maybe I need to keep him blocked on Facebook so I never have to see pictures of him and be reminded of those awful times.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know a lot of people scoff at that. But if we aren't put through hard times and made to suffer sometimes, we wouldn't appreciate the good things that come our way in life. And sometimes, when it seems like everything is going wonderfully, we forget to stop and remember to not take life for granted. That anything can happen.
For me, when things are going well, I'm mostly happy, but a little part of me is waiting for the bottom to fall out. For the roof to cave in on me. And that's not a good way to live my life. I feel like I should be prepared and be able to catch on when something bad is about to happen to me. Because I wasn't prepared at all with the stuff that went on with me and TJ.
But if I'm always prepared for something bad to happen, I'll be too busy preparing for the worst to truly appreciate the good things in life.
I honestly feel like I deserve any bad things that happen to me. Hopefully I'll get over that one day soon.
I will post a happier post soon, I promise!
I have "In These Arms" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova on repeat. I love that dang song!
I hope everyone is doing well...it seems like everyone is getting engaged, or married, or having babies these days! I guess that's what people do when they get older ;)
Maybe I'll get married one day and be really happy and secure with my self. You guys would all be invited, of course :)
Guess I better get back to work.
Until next time... Stay Classy San Diego!
A-tree.
ReplyDeleteYou don't deserve the bad things that happen. Shit happens to everyone. You can't prepare for it. There is NO way to prepare for it. All you can do sometimes is survive it. That's why you surround yourself by good people and tell yourself everyday that you deserve nothing but happiness. It doesn't come easy and you will fight like hell to stay in a good place. But anything good is always worth fighting for. Love you. I am proud to be your sister. And never look back at that a-hole again.